What is Your Award Winning Recipe?
The recipe for love. If there were a recipe book for love it would be a best seller. People are hungry for love and want a secret recipe to satisfy this hunger. If only it were that easy and to some extent it is. Sternberg’s model gives us a list of ingredients but it is up to us to create our own winning recipe.
Before you create the perfect recipe you need a list of ingredients. Lucky for us Sternberg has created it for us. It is as follows consummate, infatuated, fatuous, empty, companionate, romantic, liking/friendship (Whitbourne, 2013). I have a rule when it comes to cooking; it is as follows too many steps, too many ingredients, too much work. The above list has a few too many for me, or a couple that do not sit well with me so I altered my list.
So now that you have a list of your favorite ingredients the next step is to shop around. There are brand names with big price tags and store brands at a bargain price. Typically, it is a good rule not too be too extravagant or too cheap. Know what you are looking for shop wisely. Sometimes, we think we know which ingredients are most important only to discover that attractive package that lured us in was spoiled. This sends us back to the store to discover the hidden treasure of the store brand.
We have the list, we have the ingredients, now it is time to carefully measure each ingredient for the perfect combination that satisfies the hunger within us. If you look up sugar cookie recipes you will find many with the same list of ingredients and question what makes them different? The difference comes in the amounts of each one teaspoon too much salt or too little sugar drastically changes the outcome. It takes time to come up with your own personal winning recipe it cannot be rushed. Adding and subtracting of ingredients, temperature adjustments, and cooking times vary to each individual.
Some relationships start out under a broiler but we know what happens if you leave something under a broiler too long, yes, it gets burned. This might be infatuated love. A relationship based on passion only will quickly burn out. You cannot have a winning recipe with only one ingredient.
When you mix together your dry ingredients you can mix for hours and you all you have is dry ingredients. They did not magically turn into anything without eggs or liquid of some kind to hold them together. There is no hope for a delicious recipe here. Commitment is super important in our relationships today and is all too often lacking. Commitment alone has no flavor and feels empty.
I really like meatloaf some people do not care for it but I do. There are times when I have not had meatloaf for a while and I really crave it. Let’s just imagine I invited some of our children over for dinner and I made meatloaf but the grandchildren got sick and our kids had to cancel on us. Now I have a lot of meatloaf for just my husband and I. We would enjoy the meal tonight and probably be okay to take it for lunch the next day. When tomorrow night rolls around we are tired of meatloaf; we may like and enjoy it but we do not want meatloaf every day. Friendships are important in our lives. We enjoy being around people that we will listen to us and who have common interests. Try to build lifetime commitment on like and not love and well I would not try to package that for distribution. It just lacks appeal.
There are so many combinations that can stand the test of time. The most successful has relationships are like a recipe that is passed down from generation to generation. According to Sternberg the ingredients are passion, commitment, and intimacy. The important thing to understand is that both husband and wife may feel the recipe is best with different amount of the above mentioned ingredients. Being sensitive to the temperature, or climate, of your relationship as it matures. Knowing when to blend these key ingredients makes for a winning recipe. These three ingredients could stand alone but only for a short time. Consummate love for me is the result of careful combinations. It started with meeting my husband and slowly mixing the first ingredient of intimacy. A friendship built on mutual interests, respect, and conversations. Over time this brought a connection that turned into commitment. The winning recipe for me is emotional intimacy and commitment which when mixed together for the right amount of time turned into romance and attraction or passion. One ingredient before the others would have altered the outcome of the recipe completely. This is my award-winning recipe. I will gladly hand it down from generation to generation. It will be my legacy to our children and grandchildren. Mix dry ingredients first, measure carefully and avoid distractions. This may not be an old family recipe but I hope it is a new one.
Whitbourne, S. K. (2013, Aug. 17). Which of the 7 types of Love Relationships fits Yours? Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201308/which-the-7-types-love-relationships-fits-yours